Disney Dad Joke of the Week

If you have a Disney Dad Joke to submit for consideration, feel free to send us an email: disneyassembled@gmail.com.

Enjoy!

• When Cinderella's step sisters tried to put on the glass slipper, they kept claiming it was too tight. When told to try with the tongue out, they replied, "btts swill doo dihpt!"

• What does Simba use to wipe away his tears? Scar Tissues.

• Why did Pongo and Perdita tell the puppies to roll around in the soot? They didn't want them to be spotted.

• If you buy trip insurance for a vacation at the Fort Wilderness Campgrounds, be careful. If your tent is damaged, you won't be covered.

• Which Jedi was usually seen modelling all the new Jedi robes in front of the Jedi Temple? Mannequin Skywalker.

• Tiana tried to cook Louie once. Fortunately for him, she couldn't find her croc-pot.

• Why is Disney park attendance stronger on Saturday and Sunday? Because Monday - Friday are weak days.

• Did you know that there we chickens haunting the Haunted Mansion? They are "poultrygeists" and required an "eggsorcist" to help them find their way across the road. 

• Why is The Hulk the best form of advertising for the MCU? He is just a giant Banner.

• Which Avenger always smells good? Deodor-Ant-Man.

• The most magical time to be in a Disney Park is 6:30 - hands down!

• Why does the price of a Mickey balloon keep going up? It must be inflation.

• Simba's grandfather was revealed during the Flower and Garden Festival. He is Dan the Lion (Dandelion).

• Did you know The Mandalorian won the Indy 500? He had the beskar (best car).

• Did you hear about the little girl who fell asleep while wearing her Minnie ears? It made head lines all over the place.

• After riding Dinosaur at Animal Kingdom, what actual dinosaur do you take with you? A Mega-sore.

• Which Disney villain skipped school the most? Captain Hook-ey

• Why doesn't Darth Vader use the metric system? He prefers Imperial units.

• Why are Mickey and Minnie afraid of Elsa? They are afraid she may accidentally turn them into "mice-cicles" (icicles).

• I visited Animal Kingdom and learned how to prevent an elephant from charging you. Pay him with cash.

• Why did Donald Duck cartoons get an "R" rating? He uses fowl (foul) language.

• Do you know what Elsa's favorite toy is? Leeegos, Leeegos (Let it go).

• I learned at the Norway pavilion at Epcot that all the Norwegian warships have bar codes so that when they dock, they can "Scan The Navy In" (Scandinavian).

• What makes Bomb Voyage such a scary villain? He is capable of unspeakable things.

• My computer screen now is a black screen with two eyes looking at me. It has gone into Edna Mode.

• Groot wanted to make changes in his life, so he decided to turn over a new leaf.

• Why is Bambi merch so cheap? It's only a buck.

• Why can't The Haunted Mansion serve alcohol? The ghosts took all the boos (booze).

• What type of sandals does Kermit the Frog prefer? Open toad (toed).

• Why did Bambi need oral surgery? He had buck teeth.

• Disney CEO Bob Iger recently held a formal holiday party for all the Disney characters. During the event, the Beauty and the Beast princess kept standing on the back of his coat while playing chimes. I guess Belle's on Bob's tail ring.

• Did you know that during the holidays, Mickey Mouse's dog is named "Puto." It's because at Christmas there is Noel (No "L").

• I went to school with this girl who was a big Star Wars fan. As a matter of fact, she once got a tattoo. You should have seen the Luke on her face.

• Did you know that the original design for King Triton was for him to be only 12 inches tall? If that had happened, he would have been a bad king, but a great ruler!

• What happened when Olaf met Anger? They had a complete meltdown.

• If Cinderella had been the Little Mermaid, what would she have worn to the ball? A glass flipper

• Why does Woody have a hard time understanding Bullseye? He is a little horse (hoarse).

• What did Disney security use to help the Mickey shaped pumpkins cross Main Street? They hired some crossing gourds (guards).

• Mickey sent Goofy to the store to get something for Pluto's fleas. Goofy came back with a notebook because he thought Pluto could use some scratch paper.

• What does Jack Skellington use to fix holes in his pants? Pumpkin patches.

• How does Olaf keep the bricks on his ice house from falling down? Igloos them together.

• What was Scott Lang called when the Avengers stopped inviting him to parties? Socially Dissed-Ant-Man (Socially Distant Man).

• At D23, Disney officials were going to announce a plan to charge extra for A/C at the resorts. However, they changed their minds because the idea wasn't cool.

• Did you hear the rumor that Disney is changing the recipe they use for butter in the restaurants? I will share it with you, but you have to promise not to spread it around.

• Why did Buzz Lightyear go to Andy's laptop to get a drink? He heard it had a new Spacebar.

• Why do the ducks at Disney World keep bothering Pluto? He is a pure bread (bred) dog.

• Do you know why none of the characters in Lilo and Stitch laughed out loud? They were only allowed to aloha (a low ha).

• Mickey went to feed Pluto. He turned to Goofy and asked, "Goofy, have you seen my dog bowl?" Goofy responded, "No, but I hear he plays a great round of golf."

• Which Star Wars characters are the most resilient? Ewoks. No matter the challenge, they always seem to Endor (endure). Also, why is the planet named Endor when almost everything happens outdoors?

• Which Disneyland attraction is always training cast members? The Disneyland Railroad, of course!

• One time, the coffee I purchased in the Magic Kingdom ended up talking to Disney security. Apparently, it was mugged.

• I heard the food at the Space 220 restaurant at Epcot is pretty good, but there isn't much atmosphere.

• Why can't you see the elephants hiding in the trees at Animal Kingdom? Because they are very good at it!

• Why do all the reporters fall asleep in Walt Disney World? They came for the park snooze (parks news).

• Mark Spector was punched in the head in a fight and couldn't turn into Moon Knight. He was knocked un-Konshuous.

• How does Vision turn the lights on in his house? He uses the Scarlett Switch.

• Which Jedi is good at reading .pdf files? Adobe Wan Kenobi.

• Who is Clarabelle Cow's favorite Marvel hero? Mooooon Knight.

• Obi Wan took Luke to a Chinese restaurant for training on Tatooine. Luke was really struggling and making a mess. Exasperated, Obi Wan shouted, "Use the Forks, Luke! Use the Forks!"

• Recently, the Plaza Ice Cream Parlor almost closed due to cast members quitting. Apparently, they were tired of working on Sundaes (Sundays)!

• What do you call Epcot in winter? Epcold.

• Rabbit was so excited for Spring that he wet his plants.

• Why do we always giggle when our Skipper Canteen server walks away? Because we think the backside of "waiter" is still funny.

• Why does Captain Jack Sparrow love looking for treasure during Easter? Because "eggs" marks the spot!

• My wife and I had dinner at Epcot's China Pavilion, 9 Dragons Restaurant. When the food came out, under the lid was Donald and Daisy staring back at us. Confused, I told the server that we ordered Moo Goo Gai Pan. The server apologized and said the kitchen accidentally served us Peking (Peeking) Duck!

• I never ride Tower of Terror. It's not the drops. I have a fear of elevators. That's why I've decided to take steps to avoid it.

• How does Baloo catch fish without a pole? He uses his bear (bare) hands!

• Why was Cinderella suspected of stealing the silverware from the ball? She left her prints (prince) all over the castle.

• How did Captain Hook buy his ship so cheap? It was on sail (sale).

• It's amazing that Lando was such a great pilot, especially since his brother was a terrible pilot. You know his brother, Crashdo, right?

• Do you know why it's so hard to get a reservation to eat in Beast's library? It's all booked up!

• I can't stop watching Donald Duck shorts on Disney+. I think I'm addicted to quack.

• What is black and white and flies all over? Peter Panda

• After being brought into the MCU, how did Disney get Daredevil to see? By putting him on a Disney cruise.

• Why has Princess Tiana taken social distancing so hard? She wants to be bayou (by you).

• One day, a monorail manager was washing the monorail with a new cast member. After a little while, the new cast member asked, "Wouldn't this be easier with a sponge?"

• Did you know there was a kidnapping at Disney World this week? Don't worry. He eventually woke up.

• Why is the leopard in Tarzan really bad at hide and seek? He is always spotted.

• Minnie came out of her room after changing for a dinner party. Goofy was there. Minnie asked, "Goofy, how do I look?" Goofy replied, "Like everyone else; with your eyes!"

• Why do all the gorillas who raised Tarzan use the same Amazon membership? They are Prime Mates (primates).

• Why is it so hard to order French Fries at the France pavilion in Epcot? French fries are made in grease (Greece), not France.

• After an unsuccessful harvest, why did Rabbit decide to get out of farming and into the music business? Because he had a bunch of sick beets (beats)!

• What do you call 100 Maleficents? A Malefi-dollar.

• Why did Pixar animators stop drawing Mike or Sully on paper? They ran out of Monsters Ink.

• What is Peter Pan's favorite outdoor activity? Fly fishing.

• What is the most popular breed of dog on Asgard? The Labra-Thor Retriever!

• Which attraction at Disneyland, and Disney World, allows you to have gum? The railroad because the train always says, "Chew Chew!"

• What would happen to Elsa and Anna is Olaf was a vampire? They would get frostbite!

• What is Donald's favorite type of movie? Duck-umentaries!

• Why doesn't Darth Vader like Chick-fil-A? He finds their lack of steak disturbing.

• What time did Goofy have a dentist appointment? Tooth Hurty (Two Thirty)

• Sebastian, the crab from The Little Mermaid, he really doesn't like to share his stuff. I hear he is a little shellfish.

• Who brings Christmas gifts to Nemo and his friends? Manta Claus.

• Why doesn't Donald Duck get angry about broken pencils? He realized it was pointless.

• Why did a young Luke Skywalker turn on his lightsaber at night? He was afraid of the Darth.

• Why did Mickey give Pluto a Rolex? He wanted a watch dog.

• Which Star Wars bounty hunter loves eating at "all you care to enjoy" restaurants? Bo Buffet!

• What happened to Tiana when she parked illegally? She got toad (towed).

• Why did Goofy feel sad for his calendar? He heard its days were numbered.

• A few years after they married, Han and Leia were having constant arguments. At one point, Leia asked her brother, Luke, to come to their house and try to help settle things down. When he arrived, Luke heard both Han and Leia arguing. Luke patiently sat and meditated, like a Jedi would, but Leia became frustrated and said, "Well, do you have anything to say or are you just going to sit there?" At that point, Luke looked up at them and said, "May divorce be with you."

• Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh wear shoes? He prefers to be "Bear" foot.

• Did you know that Hollywood Studios gets much warmer at night? It's because all the fans leave.

• Why did Simba bring heavy deep sea fishing equipment to a Panera? Because he wanted to "Harpoon-a-frittata."

• What did the 101 Dalmatians say after eating their dinner? "Boy, that really hit the spot!"

• Ariel recently lost her fork (dinglehopper) and couldn't comb her hair. To find it, she checked in Lost and Flounder.

• What did the ocean tell Moana while she was sailing? Nothing, it just waived (waved).

• What is the Hulk's favorite side dish? Smashed Potatoes.

• What is Tom Hiddleston's favorite cereal? Loki Charms.

• Why did Donald Duck go see a chiropractor? He needed his back quacked.

• What is a Mandalorian's favorite cheese? Boba Fetta

• Which side of Donald Duck has the most feathers? The outside!

• What was Mickey Mouse's name before he became famous? Anony Mouse (anonymous).

• Why do Ewoks Talk...Like...This? Because they have little paws (pause).

• Why don't Imperial pilots ever win battles against the Rebels? Because they fly Tie Fighters.

• Fozzie Bear loves to exercise. His favorite thing to do is "Walka, Walka, Walka!"

• One day, Andy was very frustrated and shouted "Mom, you haven't listened to a word I have said." Andy's mom replied, "Andy, that is a strange way to start a conversation."

• Why is Nemo so good at guessing people's weight? Has has plenty of scales.

• Most Disney fans know that Tangled has been given representation with a restroom area at Walt Disney World. Recently, Disneyland Forward revealed some concepts for additional lands at Disneyland in California. One area was Robin Hood's Nottingham Forest, where imagineers are sure to include a Little John.

• Did you know that Chewbacca played Major League Baseball and even won an award? He won the "Wookie of the Year" Award.

• In the Little Mermaid, the day after Prince Eric destroyed Ursula, the Sea Witch, what remained of her washed up on the beach. From day forward, she was no longer referred to as the Sea Witch. Instead, she was known as the Sandwich (Sand Witch).

• Mickey was walking home one day and saw Goofy also walking home, except Goofy was carrying his bicycle. Mickey asked, "Goofy, why are you carrying your bicycle?" Goofy replied, "Because it is too (two) tired to walk."

• Nemo and Dory were in a tank. Nemo looks at Dory and says, "How do you drive this thing?"

• Why are Thumper and Officer Judy unhappy with Disneyland's reopening in late April, 2021? They heard that park hopping was not allowed.

• There was a deleted scene in WandaVision in which Captain Jack Sparrow shows up at Westview with his treasure map. It showed hex marked the spot.

• Donald and Daisy went to breakfast. Soon after ordering the waiter came back to the table to tell Donald that they were out of bread. Upon hearing that, Donald had a complete meltdown. It was at that moment that Daisy realized Donald was "lack toast intolerant."

• What is Arial's favorite laundry detergent? Tide.

• Fozzie, Duffy, Winnie the Pooh, and Baloo all took an Uber to work one day. They "bearly" fit in the car.

• Donald Duck is so cheap. He never pays for anything. He just always has it put on his bill.

• The other day, I was stuck in traffic and noticed the person next to me was sitting on a Grogu plushie. I was confused because at first I thought it was a Toy Yoda (Toyota).

• Did you know that there is a version of Tangled in which Rapunzel does not have her hair chopped off at the end? It is the uncut edition!

• What do the Avengers yell when teeing off while playing golf? "Thor!"

• If Groot lived in the Hundred Acre Wood, what would his name be? Twiglet.

• Which Disney character wakes up the earliest? Donald. He gets up at the quack of dawn.

• Mickey took Minnie to a pet store to buy fish. First, Minnie wanted a red fish. Mickey asked the salesperson who said the red fish were behind Door R. Then, Minnie wanted a yellow fish. Mickey again asked and was told the yellow fish were behind Door Y. Finally, Minnie asked for a blue fish. Mickey went up to the salesperson and said, "I know, the blue fish are behind Door B." The salesperson corrected him, "No, the blue fish are Dory (Door E)." 

• What does Ariel sing in the key of B? Because she sounds better under the C (Sea)

• What is Tarzan's favorite Christmas carol? Jungle Bells.

• After a long day of battling Peter Pan, Captain Hook settled in for a well deserved night's sleep. Suddenly, he heard a loud banging on his door. Now awake, Hook screamed, "Who dares wake me from my sleep?" In response, from the other side of the door, he heard, "It's Smee, Captain. It's Smee."

• Why do Nemo and his friends dislike playing basketball? They are afraid of the nets.

• Originally, Belle was captured by a crazy baker. The story was titled, "Beauty and the Yeast."

• Jafar, the villain from Aladdin, what do you call him when he is standing next to you? JaNear.

• Why does Elsa have so much trouble making friends? Because nobody likes a snow it all.

• Why do they serve blue and green "milk" at Galaxy's Edge? Because that is what happens when you give THE mouse a Wookie!

• Recently, Disney released Yoda's full name. His full name is Yoda Layheehoo.

• Why did Goofy wear 2 pairs of pants to play golf? He heard he may get a hole in one!

• On a hot summer day in Radiator Springs, where can you find all the citizens? At the Carpool

• Recently, a Disney Princess was mistakenly arrested. The police thought she was someone Elsa (else).

• What do Wendy and the Lost Boys love for breakfast? Pan-cakes!

• Where does Darth Vader like to go shopping? At the Darth Mall (Maul).

• Who is Simba's favorite Disney Princess? Aurora (A-Roar-A).

• Arial, why is she called Arial(Aerial)? She doesn't fly. She isn't the Little Birdmaid. Perhaps, she should be called, Cereal (Searial) - I mean, she does come from the sea.

• Why are Daisy and Donald more valuable in the parks, the less often they are seen? Because they are a "Pair of Ducks" (paradox).

• What is Thor's favorite attraction at Disneyland? Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

• What mode of transportation, at Disney World, is Tinker Bell's favorite? The Ferry (Fairy) Boats.

• Why can't Cinderella get better at sports? Her coach is a pumpkin. 

• There was a time when Mickey and Donald were not seen in the parks together. As a matter of fact, they didn't see each other for 24 months. When Donald finally returned, Mickey made him wear a Pluto hat because he hadn't seen him in two long ears (years).

• How do you make your handkerchief dance? You put a little Oogie Boogie in it.

• What Disney character likes to walk around touching Pilots, Accords, and CRVs? PocaHondas (Pocahontas).

• Who is Donald Duck's favorite rapper? Day-Z (Daisy).

• Did you hear about Gaston's big award? He won the No Belle (Nobel) Prize.

• What is a cow's favorite Disney Princess? Mulan (Moo-lan).

• What did Snow White say when her photos were not ready yet? Someday my prints (Prince) will come.

• Belle and Ariel go camping. They had an argument. I heard it got pretty intense (pretty in tents).

• Which Disney character has the most enchanting handwriting? Prince (prints) Charming.

• Which Marvel hero is a huge fan of It's A Small World? Ant-man.

• Why didn't Poe have any snacks in his star fighter? BB-8 (ate) them.

• Why did Goofy stare at the Orange Juice all day? The carton said Concentrate.